7 years have passed since I chose this path with my conscious mind. I meditate, I connect with nature, I heal myself, I learn to love myself and all that exist.
Many pieces of me have died in the process. It was painful and I was dealing with the darkest sides inside. I cried and I roar with grief and frustration, I lost money, I didn’t knew what to do or where I was going, I was tricked and I let my personal power in the hands of others that I thought they know better than me.
But every time I got up, and stubbornly continued, following this inner calling telling me there is more.
I passed trough depression, anxiety, fear, unworthiness… I still encounter them sometimes, during the day. But now they are diminished and I know that after every low, comes a new height to step on.
Yesterday I cried a lot. Waves and waves of ancient memories and emotions have come to the surface. A lot of grief and sorrow, the pain of feeling abandoned, without love, alone. The pain of the feminine. The deep regret for the pain and errors I made into this world, during my immemorial existence. I cried and let all this coming into my awareness. I cried for forgiveness, from my part and from this beautiful planet. I realized that it’s still hard for me to accept love. My bodies are still in the process of releasing and accepting, changing little by little.
I was asked… How it’s possible to still have these days, with pain, tears and emerging fear, after all this meditation and all that you do?
Well… What do you think? I have lived on this planet since I can’t remember, but I know that it was for a really really long time. I have done horrible things, I know that. And I know more than that. I know that the body needs time to heal, to transform. The coherence heart-mind cannot take place just like switching a button. There is a lot to go trough, from understanding with the mind up to acknowledge with the heart and body cells.
And I have noticed that: every time after a fall down, after a low moment, comes a beautiful new energy, lifting me up a little bit higher, allowing me to fill the emptied space (created within by that release) with more love, more light, more peace.
It’s like I keep shedding and shedding deeper and deeper levels of my being, creating space for what I truly am.
I believe that there is still a lot ahead of us, waiting to be lived and accepted. There is no hurry. There is no rush. We just need to know what we desire, and follow that. Follow the calling of our heart. This is a whole life waiting to be celebrated.
We are here to stay.