Insights

I was abused and I wasn’t even aware

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We are constantly abused and manipulated. Some of these abuses and manipulations happen because we don’t realize it. We have become so accustomed to them that they’ve become an integral part of our lives. We all watch TV, don’t we? (Well, not ALL of us…) We all support the legislative abuses of those who govern us, don’t we? And most of us are, constantly and unwillingly, accumulating the effects of manipulative audio-video ads, more than we would like to believe. And so on.

Other abuses and manipulations happen to us because we accept it, even though we are aware that something is wrong. We feel that it’s not good for us, but we accept it, on a daily basis. We accept being insulted, we accept verbal or physical violence, we accept aggression, we accept being called ‘stupid’ or ‘bad’, always unable, never enough… we remain in the victim position… Why? Because we agree. Because we came to believe what we’re told. Because we no longer trust ourselves.

And most of the time we don’t break the chain until it becomes too unbearable, when the cup is filled and we say: It’s enough! Or it may be, unfortunately, that we never break the chain because we are so accustomed to the feeling of being miserable – or relatively OK – with someone, instead of facing the probabilities of an unknown future.

I spent two years with an abusive person because I didn’t know what to believe. Because I believed him. He told me that there was a lot of darkness in me, and I believed he was right. He told me that he saved me from the hell that my life used to be, and I believed him… although most of the really decisive choices in my life I made before I met him or without his approval. When he started to hit me, he demanded forgiveness and told me it was because of me, that I had ‘something’ inside me and that he was not himself in that moment – that his behavior was according to my ‘vibration’… And I believed him. From the beginning he told me that he is a free person and that we are NOT in a relationship. We ‘just’ lived together, we had sex and I paid for his expenses…

When he started to have sex with other women he told me that it was necessary in order to help them and that he wasn’t attracted to them. By the way girls, sex is the preferred method of emotional manipulators. It is also very effective, so pay attention: when you do not feel that you are being deeply loved, or if deep in your heart you feel that you are not truly happy in a relationship, think twice before accepting someone in your bed. This could happen to a man to, so sexual awareness is essential.

When I couldn’t stand it any more or when I was expected to do something that I did not agree with, he would tell me that I had blockages and that I had to do it so that I could overcome my ‘bad’ side. And I totally agreed with him. I wasn’t trusting myself at all. I became another person, adopting desires and plans for a future that was not mine, accepting things that I would have refused before living with him. And I paid his bills and bought him everything he wanted. I’ve spent (and lost) a lot of my money. I borrowed money to his ‘friends’ in amounts that I would have never lent to anyone, and that’s because he guaranteed for them. Of course, I didn’t get any money back.

When I used to read or hear about women who were scammed or cheated like this, I used to laugh at them and wonder how they could be so stupid that they couldn’t see the obvious. And I used to think that something like this could never happen to me. This was exactly in that same time…

You see that you’re not happy. You feel that something is totally wrong. In response to any questions or observations you have, the manipulator will reply with perfectly logical and valid counter-arguments. ‘Truth’ is always on both sides and usually, when listening to someone you tend to agree with them. Especially if you are a sensitive and pacifying person who wants harmony at any cost… a person so afraid of conflicts that they won’t speak for themselves.

Manipulation can be so perverse that you can’t even figure it out. Manipulation can hide under the disguise of (apparently) sincere and disinterested desire to help you become a better person, to be better… And it can hide so deep that the persons that are manipulating and abusing you are themselves convinced that they are doing the right thing for you.

Portions of Truth are always tightly bound by manipulators with many wires of misinformation or untruths, so that they can be swallowed more easily by the ignorant and naive.

I believe that, in the great scheme of things, everything that happens to us has a purpose, nothing is meaningless or arbitrary. And I also believe that the meaning of some unpleasant things that happen to us is for our awakening, to help us put our foot down and say Stop, I had enough!

Truth is always somewhere in the middle? … Yes! It is in balance. You can find it when you stop believing others and begin listening to yourself, your soul. Your soul always knows the truth even if you’re hiding from it.

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