The Fear of saying NO

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Today it became even clearer to me how ashamed or afraid I am (still!) of saying NO. Because I have been instructed educated since I was little – in more or less subtle ways – to respect authority, of any kind, and to fear the repercussions… To accept the authority that tells me what to do, without challenging it’s right of being in that position… To loose the natural reflex of asking myself if it’s the correct / the moral / the humane / the logical thing to do as I’m told – and to conform without delay.

Thereby I have come to a position in which my intellect is suggesting me that I have full control over my actions and choices. But when I look more closely I notice that, behind this comfortable curtain, a lot of anxiety, fear and obedience are hiding. We’ve grown accustomed to the reflex of bending to the requests made with ‘authority’, whether they come from entities with legal rights to impose them or from entities whose control over us is a given… whether these requests be justified or not.

The sentiment of submission is so deeply engraved within us that we don’t even notice it. We accept so many things to which our soul says a definite NO, as we hide behind supposedly logical arguments. Or, even worse, we ignore this inner voice so much that we aren’t even truly aware of what’s going on inside of us. We do or say things that we don’t really want, or don’t really feel, only because we are ashamed or afraid that someone will be upset with us. Shame… another manifestation of fear. And so another schism is created in us, another unbalance that’s making our life more difficult.

From this position we fall and we touch the extremes… Instead of having a natural way of answering any requests that may come from outside, a consistent way with my true being, I slide either towards total rejection and running away from the world, either into suspension and acceptance of anything being asked of me… because I’ve lost the compass that used to show me my inner path.

So we get carried away very often, and very quickly. Even those people that claim they’ve reached a certain level of personal development and self consciousness, even they fall in the same repetitive patterns. It is essential to notice them instead and to get out of them more and more easily, each time we start to manifest them. To be present, in other words.

About being present many things have been said and many methods can be found. It is a subject that is becoming more and more common on the Internet… but no one can truly give you anything regarding this. The only person that can help you and the only valid method are within you. When it will be quiet within you, then you will be capable to differentiate the contrasting voices in your head and be able to truly make conscious choices.

I’ve read a phrase long ago, that has stuck with me ever since. It went something like this: Fear is the imagination of something bad that could happen (in the future)… therefore fear doesn’t truly exist… it only holds power in our imagination.

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